- SBF does not sleep. He waits … to tell you about his crimes.
- SBF’s tears cure the urge to confess. Too bad he stopped crying in early November.
- There is no chin behind SBF’s five o’clock shadow. There are only more unpublished blog posts detailing crimes.
- SBF doesn’t do pushups. He just doesn’t.
- When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he puts in earplugs so he doesn’t have to listen to SBF detailing yet more of his crimes.
- SBF does not go looking for crimes to confess to, because the word “looking” implies the possibility of failure. SBF goes committing more crimes to confess to.
- SBF sold his soul to the devil for his rugged cryptocurrency good looks and unparalleled genius at racking up financial crimes. When the deal had been done, SBF looked the devil lovingly in the eye and rugpulled him. Then he confessed more of his crimes.
- SBF talked the Effective Altruists into donating to his criminal enterprise, for the longtermist good of 1054 hypothetical future emulated humans. Not that it was very hard.
- A lotta y’all still don’t get it. Crime holders can use multiple confession juices on a single crime. So if you have one life sentence offence already and three confession juices you can create three additional life sentence charges. Tonight’s blog post mint event is essentially a minting event for both Sam and Caroline.
- FTX and Alameda can build a crypto exchange and a prop trading desk from paper clips, rubber bands and soda cans. And they did precisely that.
- If you can see SBF, he can see you. If you can’t see SBF, you may be only seconds away from hearing his perfectly reasonable and extremely long-winded explanations of yet more of his goddamn crimes.
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Well, I think what happened was ..
..and then before I knew it we were high on FTT and amphetamines..
And then Caroline spent it all..
I tried to stop her but it was too late..
They cannot create a new law fast enough that SBF hasn’t already confessed to breaking it. Several times.
The only dude I know who would have been more successful if he just kept playing video games.
Including at the video games.