{"id":54,"date":"2007-08-10T20:38:00","date_gmt":"2007-08-10T20:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/2007\/08\/10\/30-years-ago-today-jimmy-wales-kills-andrew-orlowskis-pet-puppy\/"},"modified":"2007-08-11T14:22:22","modified_gmt":"2007-08-11T14:22:22","slug":"30-years-ago-today-jimmy-wales-kills-andrew-orlowskis-pet-puppy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/2007\/08\/10\/30-years-ago-today-jimmy-wales-kills-andrew-orlowskis-pet-puppy\/","title":{"rendered":"30 Years Ago Today: Jimmy Wales Kills Andrew Orlowski’s Pet Puppy."},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
\"Drunk<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Drunk on the outside, crying on the inside. Andrew still tears up a little when he thinks of his long-lost companion.<\/small><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

BIRMINGHAM, Alabama,<\/b> Friday (UnGadget) — On this day in 1977, a young Jimmy Wales viciously and brutally murdered the beloved canine companion of Manchester schoolboy Andrew Orlowski, beginning a lifelong collaboration of mutual publicity and featherbedding.\n<\/p>\n

The boy’s pride and dog, a South Somerset Atrocity Terrier<\/a> named Soberhill Black Medik Markenbrow Beatrice Vraibleu, was viciously murdered by Wales reciting to it John Galtboy’s speech from Fountainhead Earth<\/a><\/i> while Wales was high on crack received for his eleventh birthday a few days before.<\/p>\n

“It was unspeakably brutal,”<\/i> Orlowski said years later. “That he could possibly think a properly brought-up British socialist animal could tolerate his Hayek<\/a>–inspired<\/a> gibberings on collectivism. The very idea that you could produce a vast collective enterprise without a strong central authority! Fuck!”<\/i>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"A<\/a> <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
A boy’s best friend … in a manly<\/i> sense, of course.<\/small><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,”<\/i> said Wales from the Arbitration Committee yacht, anchored off Bono’s private island in the Caribbean. “Any eleven-year-old with a decent education would have been quite able to teach his dog enough about political systems to cope with such ideas.”<\/i><\/p>\n

“Well, he <\/i>would say that,”<\/i> said Orlowski, “he was home-schooled, so he probably learnt to read and stuff instead of getting his head flushed every lunchtime like all the future computer nerds round our way did. My hair never recovered. Fucker. Wikipedophile!”<\/i> He noted that the flushing was, however, the perfect training for IT journalism, which certainly beat working for a living.\n<\/p>\n

Wales notes that the collaboration has been vastly productive, producing continued press coverage of Wikipedia and a specialist expert topic for Orlowski to rent quotes on. “Andrew wasn’t keen on the arrangement at first,”<\/i> he said, “but then … well, you should have seen what I did to his cornflakes.”<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Drunk on the outside, crying on the inside. Andrew still tears up a little when he thinks of his long-lost companion. BIRMINGHAM, Alabama, Friday (UnGadget) — On this day in 1977, a young Jimmy Wales viciously and brutally murdered the beloved canine companion of Manchester schoolboy Andrew Orlowski, beginning a lifelong collaboration of mutual publicity … Continue reading “30 Years Ago Today: Jimmy Wales Kills Andrew Orlowski’s Pet Puppy.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncyclopedia","category-wiki"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4FmVR-S","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}