{"id":10724,"date":"2018-11-06T16:11:13","date_gmt":"2018-11-06T16:11:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/?p=10724"},"modified":"2018-11-06T16:11:13","modified_gmt":"2018-11-06T16:11:13","slug":"1-kings-316-28-the-judgement-of-solomon-when-bitcoin-is-brought-before-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/2018\/11\/06\/1-kings-316-28-the-judgement-of-solomon-when-bitcoin-is-brought-before-him\/","title":{"rendered":"1 Kings 3:16-28 \u2014 the Judgement of Solomon when Bitcoin is brought before him"},"content":{"rendered":"

16<\/sup><\/sup>Scene: King Solomon’s court. Two harlots, LUKE-JR and ROGER VER, rock up in front of KING SOLOMON with a baby called BITCOIN.<\/em><\/p>\n

LUKE-JR<\/p>\n

17<\/sup><\/sup>O my lord, I and this ancap dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a crypto with him in the house.<\/p>\n

18<\/sup><\/sup>And it came to pass the second year after that I gave code, that this asshole was delivered also. 19<\/sup><\/sup>And this whale’s crypto died in the night; because of too many transactions.<\/p>\n

20<\/sup><\/sup>And he arose at midnight, and took my coin from beside me.<\/p>\n

21<\/sup><\/sup>And when I rose in the morning to give my coin its small ration of bits, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.<\/p>\n

ROGER VER<\/p>\n

22<\/sup><\/sup>Nay; but the huge fat coin is my son, and the dead is thy son.<\/p>\n

KING SOLOMON<\/p>\n

23<\/sup><\/sup>The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.<\/p>\n

24<\/sup><\/sup>Bring me a sword. 25<\/sup><\/sup>Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.<\/p>\n

LUKE-JR<\/p>\n

26<\/sup><\/sup>Sounds like a plan.<\/p>\n

ROGER VER<\/p>\n

Good idea, let’s do this.<\/p>\n

KING SOLOMON<\/p>\n

What.<\/p>\n

LUKE-JR<\/p>\n

It’s blindingly obvious we should slice the kid vertically.<\/p>\n

ROGER VER<\/p>\n

Are you insane,<\/em> you evil bitch? Clearly<\/em> we need to cut him across the middle. Much quicker, guts all over the place.<\/p>\n

KING SOLOMON<\/p>\n

27<\/sup><\/sup>F\u2014 me.<\/p>\n

JIHAN WU<\/p>\n

Hey hey hey! I want slice of kid too! Go f\u2014 your mother if you want f\u2014.<\/p>\n

28<\/sup><\/sup>And all Buttcoin heard of the judgement which the king had judged; and they commiserated with the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to not want anything to do with these crazy assholes.<\/p>\n

\n

(Written last year in honour of Bitcoin Cash<\/a> and posted<\/a> to \/r\/buttcoin; I just found it again. There’s probably more of these.)<\/p>\n

\"Become<\/a>

Your subscriptions keep this site going. Sign up today!<\/a><\/i><\/p><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene: King Solomon’s court. Two harlots, LUKE-JR and ROGER VER, rock up in front of KING SOLOMON with a baby called BITCOIN.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[42,320,319],"class_list":["post-10724","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorised","tag-bitcoin-cash","tag-i-am-so-very-sorry","tag-not-sorry-really"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10724"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10727,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10724\/revisions\/10727"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidgerard.co.uk\/blockchain\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}